Tag Archives: light hearted

Confucius Speaks

Confucius            Mr. Matthew Ryan, my presumptive owner, is all broken up over the results of the Republican primary over the past week. Being a cat, I am not as delicate as the feeble human, so I will be filling in this entry for him while he pays homage to the porcelain god sans alcohol.

I, too, am utterly flabbergasted that Mr. Trump is the presumptive nominee for the Republican ticket. I mean, seriously? I’m only a cat but I don’t really remember him giving much more than the occasional clever insult or nickname to his opponents. Policy matters were completely out of the discussion.

Well, the primary is all but over, and it looks like we are going to have a choice between Trump and Clinton. Mrs. Clinton, courtesy of her e-mail scandal, belongs in prison. Mr. Trump courtesy of, well, just being himself, belongs in a psych ward (is that the correct spelling of ‘psych’?). A potential prison inmate or a mental case; that is America’s choice. Congratulations! And you humans wonder why us cats think we are superior?

So, on to the meat of the matter. I believe it is time I made a proper endorsement. And given the options, I hereby fervently endorse … Ted Cruz for President. I know he dropped out, but perhaps we can start a movement to see how many people can write in his name at the ballot box. Our country needs a good strong conservative. Otherwise, we’ll go the way of Venezuela and run out of milk and other necessities … like cat litter, litter boxes, and everything else in between. It would be a travesty, a travesty if that happened!

Vote Cruz 2016. Join the Movement!

Okay, there is also the Libertarian Party. Vote Austin Peterson 2016!

Confucius Speaks

First, the important stuff: I am deeply offended that I was ‘upstaged’ by a Goodreads Giveaway Announcement last week. We all know cats are more important than selling books. Jeez! Now, on to the rebuttal of my whining human’s complaints:

My human clearly is not cut out to write. He can’t take the pressure. Afraid of a little bit of competition from Amazon. Hah! Boo hoo! It’s not like they have a complete monopoly on milk. I mean, that would be a travesty. Milk! Yum yum. Meeow. A few books here. A few books there. And he’s complaining because he’s not making any money at it. You have to have gumption to write! Nerve. And tenacity. It takes persistence and more persistence. I know. Back when I was being worshiped in Egypt, so many eons ago, I wrote a book in hieroglyphs. Perhaps you’ve heard of it: The Book of the Dead. Yes, I am the font of ancient Egypt lore. Because I’m a cat. And we know things. Most specifically we know that the human race will know no peace until we are worshiped once again as gods. And fed. Regularly. And have our ears rubbed. Just the way we like it.

Get your priorities straight Mr. Ryan. And get me some cat treats!

 

Confucius Speaks …

Confucius

Look at me! I’m a cat! I am wise, wily, and wicked. I’m an avid fantasy reader who has agreed to post on Mr. Ryan’s blog. I’ve read Mr. Ryan’s books. They’re all great, except for one flaw: No cats! What is the problem? He had rats! But no cats. I’ll be contacting PETA soon unless you include a cat in the next book. Be warned, Mr. Ryan. Overlooking a class of animal as prevalent as we are is tantamount to deliberate oppression. You have not heard the last of me. And if PETA doesn’t respond, it’ll be the Labor Department. I’ll take you to court and sue you for as many cat treats as your 401k can provide.

 

Unless, um … um … you rub my ears and fluff my pillow and let me rub my body against your calves. Don’t step on me! Just let me revel in my silken loveliness!