Monthly Archives: May 2016

Confucius Speaks

ConfuciusMeow. Time for another politically incorrect post.

It has reached my feline ears that a certain Muslim cleric in Saudi Arabia by the name of Sheikh Saleh Bin Fawzan Al-Fazwan has banned people from taking pictures with cats. Don’t believe me? Although it is beneath the celestial dignity of a feline like myself to make false claims or be forced to support my claims for verification, I’ll present the following evidence anyway: http://maudmanyore.com/2016/05/saudi-arabian-cleric-bans-people-from-taking-pictures-with-cats.html and http://static.independent.co.uk/s3fs-public/styles/story_medium/public/thumbnails/image/2016/05/26/17/saudi-cats2.jpg and … well, google it. See? I told you so.

The Sheikh claims the ban on such pictures is an attempt to keep people from becoming “too Western.” Clearly, he is a Westernaphobe as well as a felinaphobe. Pesky Muslim Sheikh. Although perhaps I should take the whole business as a compliment: visual expressions of Mohammed are condemned as blasphemy in the Muslim world; is the Sheikh trying to make a similar connection with cats? If so, I fear I must correct the record: us, cats, are not major religious/political leaders in this world. We certainly don’t deserve the status of a Mohammed or a Jesus or a Buddha for our efforts and achievements in our earthly lives. If the truth be known, we could earn such, if we wanted to, we just prefer to spend our time having our chins rubbed and that place behind our ears scratched.

I hope that does not earn me a fatwa. If so, I’ll have to respond with a meowtwa.

Author Update

Well, it’s May, 2016. I have nothing else to write about tonight, so I figured I would do an author update to fill people in regarding my current writerly adventures. I’ve joined a Writer’s Group, which is cool. I’ve been itching to do so for several years, now; I just was having difficulty finding one. But no worries, I found one that meets at the local library. Actually, I wasn’t the one to find them: One of my associates at the Food Shelf found the ad in the newspaper and cut it out for me. Woo hoo! Thank you, Dorothy!

Anyway, I was in a big slump for almost three months, maybe even longer. But the Writer’s Club rescued me from the doldrums. They brought a successful published author in to give a talk and that talk got me psyched for writing again. I’ve churned out, oh, I don’t know, seven chapters in about five weeks or so. Very productive. I think I have maybe one or two chapters left in total and then I will have finished the rough draft of Book III of From the Ashes of Ruin. Also, I’m still trying to publish a few short stories. Oh, and I have a novella in the works which I shall shortly release and give away for free. It has nothing to do with my current series, but it’s a cool tale nonetheless. It was kind of an escape from the series; it let me relax my brain and chew on something different for a while. (At the time of posting, I have officially completed the rough draft of From the Ashes of Ruin.)

Anyway, that’s the news!

I’ve Got It: My Next Novel Will Feature …

This might be a bad idea from a politically correct point-of-view; I might make myself into a pariah by posting this. But I’m not politically correct. If the truth be told, I can’t stand the whole movement. I get it: if there’s a man standing next to me in a dress, that’s no cause to beat him senseless or publicly ridicule him. But I still think it’s a little weird. And I think I’m within my rights to raise an eyebrow. Sorry.

 

I find it amusing as I hop from ezine to ezine and peruse the wish lists of the respective editors. A whole bunch of them are looking for LGBTQ (or whatever) literature and all sorts of variants on that theme. Basically, the characters in our stories are getting stranger and stranger, more and more removed from “normal” (if there is such a thing–the PC movement denies that there is; I’m not so sure). I suppose that’s natural as a perfectly “normal” character would probably be boring. But it seems to me that it is possible to get lost in the weeds of details, striving to make your character so unique it becomes its own bizarre amalgamation of traits and randomness; a string of characteristics that mock the whole notion of character.

 

So, in light of the vast PC wisdom, and the muse that inspires me, my next novel will feature …

a cis-gendered Hispanic male albino lesbian with a penchant for Cheerios and heavy metal music. His love interest, of course, will be a trans-gendered female weightlifting Sumo wrestler from Alpha Centauri with seven fingers on her right hand and an extra row of teeth; she suffers from psoriasis.

 

I should apologize for that. Maybe I can make it good by claiming they are both hobgoblins. Am I allowed to tease hobgoblins? Or are they off-limits, too?

 

Confucius Speaks

Confucius            Mr. Matthew Ryan, my presumptive owner, is all broken up over the results of the Republican primary over the past week. Being a cat, I am not as delicate as the feeble human, so I will be filling in this entry for him while he pays homage to the porcelain god sans alcohol.

I, too, am utterly flabbergasted that Mr. Trump is the presumptive nominee for the Republican ticket. I mean, seriously? I’m only a cat but I don’t really remember him giving much more than the occasional clever insult or nickname to his opponents. Policy matters were completely out of the discussion.

Well, the primary is all but over, and it looks like we are going to have a choice between Trump and Clinton. Mrs. Clinton, courtesy of her e-mail scandal, belongs in prison. Mr. Trump courtesy of, well, just being himself, belongs in a psych ward (is that the correct spelling of ‘psych’?). A potential prison inmate or a mental case; that is America’s choice. Congratulations! And you humans wonder why us cats think we are superior?

So, on to the meat of the matter. I believe it is time I made a proper endorsement. And given the options, I hereby fervently endorse … Ted Cruz for President. I know he dropped out, but perhaps we can start a movement to see how many people can write in his name at the ballot box. Our country needs a good strong conservative. Otherwise, we’ll go the way of Venezuela and run out of milk and other necessities … like cat litter, litter boxes, and everything else in between. It would be a travesty, a travesty if that happened!

Vote Cruz 2016. Join the Movement!

Okay, there is also the Libertarian Party. Vote Austin Peterson 2016!